Airline Pilot truisms

[Capt NG]

- A good simulator check ride is like a successful surgery on a dead body.
- Asking a pilot what he thinks about the FAA is like asking a tree what it thinks about dogs.
- An airline pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.
- The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as a copilot, is a copilot who once was a captain.
- Experience is gained through making mistakes. Mistakes are caused by a lack of experience
- Hand-flying an ILS in a gusty crosswind is easier than adjusting the shower controls in a layover hotel.
- A smooth touchdown in a simulator is as exciting as kissing your sister.
- Most airline crew food tastes like warmed-over chicken because that's what it is.
- Everything is accomplished through teamwork until something goes wrong . . . . . then one pilot gets all the blame.
- Standard checklist practice requires pilots to read to each other procedures used every day, and recite from memory those which are only needed once every five years.
- A crew scheduler has to be the kind of person who wakes his wife at midnight to carry out the garbage, then sends her back to let the cat in.
- Unlike flight crew members, jet engines stop whining when the plane arrives at the gate.
- A dispatcher's desk has never run out of fuel.
- An FAA investigation is conducted by a few non-flying experts who take six months to itemize the mistakes made by a crew who had six seconds to react to the emergency.

[_BlackHawk_]

You can tell airlines have advanced since the 1950's because now it's possible for the flight attendant to get the pilot pregnant.